this is probably going to be a boring journal so unless your like actually my friend don't bother.
ok first of all the reason i am finally posting one of these is because i felt bad and i felt like i should. but i do have stuff to say i just never get around to it. along with that i enver get around to posting stuff because i was kind of swamped with shit. like i had final projects, actual finals, packing for home, getting home and then i just spazzed on everything.

ok but anyway here is my life for the last few months. alright so i made better friends with a girl in my dorm and we both get left out by some of the other girls alot so when i feel lonely i can just track her down and we have fun together. besides that i nearly went to a different school but i could not find anywhere i wanted or could get into. so i am staying in that hell hole i call school but it will get better and it could be always worse. i tell myself that alot i am still that emo freak on the outside even though i am alot more out there and brighter on the outside.

ok so that was april i guess and then may hit. wow that was a crazy month i ahd spring trip and then suddenly all my projects were due. i had to pack up my room a little bit every weekend and start saying my goodbyes.
what got me though is that people were nearly crying and were so fucking sad. i was kind of pissed because its not like we have known each other that long, 9 months at most, and they were almost crying. its nice that they care but i feel like its fake and its only three months, i nearly cried at my eighth grade last day because i had known most of those people for 9 years so it was explainable.

ok so besides that i got home with some insanity with my father who is crazy!!!! but seriously as little as i get along with my family i love feeling included and loved because even if its just sitting around watching tv and not talking i still feel loved and there. not to mention they don't constantly drive me up the wall, only occasionally like everyone.

oh and i went to an amazing party and holy shit i got smashed. it was really boring until like 6 o'clock when the booze arrived. i didn't get started right away i just had a mikes hard and hung around talking with an old friend Chanda talking about what she had been up to since i saw her last. then it got kind of boring because everyone went out to smoke or something so i decided to do a few shots. i was not the smartest person about ti and did two within like thirty seconds and then five minutes late since i was still bored i tried to some tequilla. so through the night i had a total of 5 shots of of vodka and then two of tequilla. the bad part is that at around 10 i started being extremely drunk and a friend of my friend made me sit with ehr and as i am bi i totally hit on her.
so the adventure is when my mom called to have my brother pick me up in an hour and a half and i had to get sober. i ate lots of bread and walked in circles around the house. it was actually very exciting and i talked to lots of the guys and they were cool. one of them austin who i didn't meet until then was really amazing. anyway i ahve sworn that next tiem i get drunk it will be a boy, maybe austin because i want to mix things up.
i also found out i surprised people because barely no one thought i would hit on a girl.

ok but that is my journal and i swear i did not mean for it to be tha tlong and its pretty stupid but i did warn you.